Poor Wolfenstein is tossing and turning furiously in his grave, buried under the weight of years. It spins so furiously that if it were connected to a generator, humanity would no longer need to build power plants. The whole world would live happily, driving electric cars and picking their noses to the fullest depth, and wars over energy resources would stop – poor Wolf would provide light to everyone: my one and a half kilowatt power supply, the Chukchi, penguins, udots, the indigenous inhabitants of Mars and the mysterious Ekavosaurs.

At this time, somewhere in the depths of an unknown country, developers from HQ Simulation. The waves of fecal matter sent by him do not allow the guys to move from their place without the risk of dirtying their underwear, pants and those around them. Wild money is spent on toilet paper and baby powder (at about this sentence you guessed that the game is worse than the Lada Kalina). Once a process has been launched (they’ve been doing everything for a long time) it requires constant monetary replenishment – and here it is, a new product, Operation Wolfsburg.

Let’s launch. Instead of an introductory video, there is an almost fifteen-minute cut of war newsreels with the Germans in the leading role. Tanks are driving and shooting. Then the graves, they don’t shoot, but the music is cheerful. Airplanes – amazing, they fly. Again the graves are no less amazing, but they don’t fly. Mortars. There are no graves after them – they show howitzers, trenches, machine guns. Mortars are useful, they produce the above-described material goods.

First level. I’m a stylish https://fantasticspinscasino.co.uk/withdrawal/ guy in a boy’s helmet, chewing on its strap for some reason. Dark. The path is illuminated by stars: large ones – thirty pixels and small ones – three or four. Why the hell did I forget in the forest with only one pistol?? I suspect that the main character simply wanted real male love and was determined. The fascist mushroom pickers are trembling with horror… Muhahaha!

So, further. It says everything is mined. Fascists are fools. Why waste explosives when a better solution has been invented – a solid green wall texture. I am cunning, peaceful, intelligent and beautiful. I use a tactical trick – I go straight ahead, past deadly minefields. The entrance to somewhere is guarded by a fascist superhero – a bone man on skates. There is no motion animation – the fellow slides like an Aryan. Twenty shots to the head still upset the hope of the Reich, I suspect, in the back. Now I have an autoshmeiser! Tra-ta-ta! – you f… will come f… complete destruction!

I bring goodness and happiness to the military base. It’s a little too dark. I don’t have a flashlight, but I did find the latest Union know-how, it’s mysteriously called “add brightness”. I saw the enemy contingent standing close – the fascist speed skaters resisted, but from my pressure they disintegrated, thoroughly getting dirty. I run into some garage. The level ended daringly. Loading, cheerful music… FOREST. Wow, what kind of idiot architect grew a thicket-nipple instead of a back wall?. I left the garage to take a leak or scratch something important without witnesses – bam! — teleported! I hope there are good cannibalistic animals here. I want to be devoured, because I’m suffering terribly, but they didn’t do the “shoot myself” function. Sadists.

While I was going to relieve myself, the fascist sausage people rebuilt the base. Now there are planes and unwashed boys in T-shirts and with cool guns. Obviously, they want to take my mobile phone away from me and are firing warning shots at my head. Their lookout turned out to be tough – he shoots from the tower with a machine gun. It turned out that his name is Otto “quick fingers” – one of the developers gave him the ability to shoot from a sniper rifle so that six-barreled machine guns are filled with paint and rust with shame.

With a heavy heart I stumbled to the third level. The command said there were eight of them here. So why didn’t the authorities give me at least a sapper shovel, a slingshot, a spoon, a towel with soap, a forty-centimeter black rubber phallus, or at least a red-hot poker for my ass?? The poor hero has run out of ammo and has nowhere to get it. He jumped with his bare heel on a detachment of fascists one hundred and seventeen times – and was completely convinced of the uselessness of his legs in conditions of overwhelming enemy superiority (although the experience of Return to Castle Wolfenstein said the opposite, so that he would burn!). I tried to kill with my eyes – surprisingly, it didn’t work. The 200th anniversary attempt ended in a game error. Terrible red bumps crawled out from everywhere, and I decided that that’s enough inglorious deaths for today. Both mine and the poor fascists. That’s it, good luck, write letters, save money, happy New Year, I’m off.

Honestly guys, this is a breakthrough in the genre. I will be an aphid. Everything in this game is so bad that trying to find comparisons made me lose… my fighting spirit. For some reason, I always feel like erasing all the text, writing one word starting with the letter “P”, expressing the state of anything, even the soul. And this is by no means “wonderful” (and not “half a kilo of cookies”).

On the other hand, such deformities bring goodness and positivity. You read it later and smile – how good it is that it’s all finally over. Good luck to you. And I need to change the bandage, from Operation Wolfsburg I lost one and a half eyes.

Pros: low system requirements; takes up little hard drive space.
Cons: no plot; ugly graphics; vomiting gameplay; toilet sound; and in general this is the king of landfills.